Your Highness
I was thinking about just writing a one word entry (no) and submitting the letter grade (F+), but then I thought that might be taking the easy way out... and it would be way out of character for me to do something easy. So, let's cut to the chase... this movie sucked. Not just plain sucked. Far worse. It was a soul-crushingly bad movie. To say it was a strike-out or a flop would not do it justice in the least. I'm not sure I can remember a supposed comedy that was less funny. I think I might have chuckled once during the film... and that was probably just to keep from crying and/or destroying the TV in my mom's hotel room. (Rented it from the onDemand menu in my mom's room while my family was here visiting... yes, it cost a lot to rent this waste of time... and I was really hoping the price would turn into a credit on my mom's bill for having made it through the movie without doing damage to the room. Sadly, no, not the case.)
Here's the thing, too. Both my brother and I thought it was going to be bad. Awful even, but we both hoped for some cheap laughs. We were too tired to try to invest ourselves in any of the heavier dramas- most of which were surer bets to be good movies. It came down to The Dilemma (which my mom had seen) or Your Highness. Never has an act of consideration (didn't want to make my mom re-watch what might have been a marginally better movie) turned out so horribly wrong. At least for me. I know I owe my mom more than an apology, but I can't give her the wasted time back... oh well, at least she had the common sense to fall asleep through the bulk of it. I had no such luck.
Having established that the movie was- to put it generously- terrible, I guess it's time to play the blame game. Who's responsible for this piece of garbage? I suppose, ultimately, it's Danny McBride. His fingerprints are all over this flaming turd of a movie. He helped write it, he starred in it, and, if I'm not mistaken, he got a friend (David Gordon Green) to direct it. So, Danny McBride? This one's on you. And, I suppose then, that the fact that it sucked should not have come as a surprise. At least to me. I haven't seen much of McBride, but what I have seen hasn't been good. To me, he was ok and barely so in Tropic Thunder and far less than that in Land of the Lost. I'm not really sure how he has become the next big thing in comedy... is it East Bound and Down? The Foot-Fist Way? I don't know... why do people think he's so funny? Granted, I haven't seen either of East Bound and Down or the Foot-Fist Way, but right now, I have to imagine that all the praise for McBride's comedic prowess is more than a little bit misguided. From what I've seen, there is nothing fresh, edgy, or funny about him. Just another chubby, raunchy, red-neck-y schlub delivering crude jokes with the flair of a 15-year-old. Way to go Danny, way to add another notch in that belt with Your Highness.
OK, enough dumping on Danny McBride. I just realized I haven't explained why I thought the movie sucked...other than to say it wasn't funny. But hey, for a comedy, do I need to explain it more? Maybe not, but I can say this: the movie is just a long string of sex jokes, gay jokes, and jokes involving anachronistic language. (Knights that say "Fuck that, bitch). Dumb. Just plain dumb. And not funny. And you know what? None of the jokes/gags were particularly original. We've seen it all before... and we've seen it done better. I can't imagine that even the 13-15 year old boy audience would have much use for this dumpster fire. I was going to say that the only redeeming factor was Natalie Portman who played ass-kicking quester, Isabel, with much more dedication and effort than anyone else in the cast had invested in their characters (most of the folks in the movie seemed happy to regress to the worst/most immature 13 year old self). I'm not so sure that Portman's dedication to such a shit script (one that pretty-well ruined her character in the end...why in world would Isabel ever fall for/need McBride's schlubby Prince Thaddeus??? She wouldn't, but then again, McBride is the man in charge here anything idiotic is fair game) is much of a redeeming factor. She probably should have just said no...but then I suppose it would have been hard for her to say no to the inevitable pile of cash she was offered to slum it with the boys... especially with a baby on the way (although truthfully I'm not sure she knew a baby was on the way when she was filming the movie... I'm not sure of the chronology there...but I would find it amusing that something so dumb could eventually help pay for the kid's schooling). In the end, I suppose it was better to have at least one performer who was dedicated on at least some level to a nuanced performance. Too bad no one else seemed to be paying attention... is it enough to elevate the movie from a solid F (or even F-) to an F+ as I originally thought? Hard to say... let me think about that for a minute..
Anyway, I've spent waaaaaaaaaay too long writing about such a worthless movie. Let me put it this way if your idea of funny is watching the two heroes (McBride's Thaddeus and James Franco's vapid Prince Fabious) give a grating, stereotypically "flamingly gay" Kermit the Frog/Yoda mash up of an old wizard creature a hand-job, then this is the movie for you. As for me? No, thank you.
Grade: F+ (if for nothing else than the ridiculousness of giving anything an F+)
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